What is the one thing all women must know about self defense?
Women’s Self-Defense in NYC: A Letter About Fear, Responsibility, and Real Preparation
This letter is for the women who have written to me, stopped me after class, or walked into our studios for the first time because they no longer feel safe walking home.
In 2024, videos on TikTok and reports across the news drew attention to random, unprovoked attacks on women in New York City. The fear those stories created is real, and it is understandable. What most people do not account for is that public reporting captures only a fraction of what happens. Most harassment and many assaults never reach the news or official statistics. When people judge their risk only by what is reported, they underestimate the scope of the problem while still feeling its full emotional weight. That gap between lived reality and visible data fuels anxiety and confusion.
As fear rises, more women look for self-defense training, and that response makes sense. When the environment feels unstable, people look for agency. Panic and denial both get in the way. These attacks are horrifying, and they are part of a wider spectrum of daily harassment and violence that many women already navigate. Pretending otherwise delays meaningful preparation.
This Is Not About Blame
Women are targeted regardless of intelligence, income, education, or status. That reflects how predatory behavior operates, and it is never the fault of the person targeted. Long-term change requires education and cultural correction. Short-term safety requires action. Self-defense training is responsibility toward yourself, and it has nothing to do with paranoia.
Self-Defense Begins With Self-Respect
Self-defense begins with self-respect, and that includes caring for yourself enough to prepare. I mean this practically. If you do not value yourself, you hesitate when it matters most. You second-guess, and you freeze. People who care deeply about getting home fight harder, move sooner, and recover faster. Valuing yourself is operational.
One Class Is Not Enough
Many women hope that one or two classes will be enough. That hope is understandable, and it is mistaken. No meaningful skill develops that way. Self-defense is learned behavior that requires time, repetition, and exposure to stress. It involves conditioning, decision-making, awareness, and emotional regulation. Feeling confident after two hours is different from being capable, and confidence without depth often collapses under pressure. Real safety comes from familiarity. You do not change your body in a day or learn a language in a weekend, and safety works the same way.
Lack of time is the most common reason people give for not training. Time will pass either way. The question is whether you spend it reinforcing fear or building capacity. When women train consistently, many situations that once felt threatening lose their emotional charge. Awareness replaces anxiety, posture replaces hesitation, and calm replaces constant vigilance.
Practical Steps You Can Start Today
While you build skills over time, several habits make a difference right away. On your commute, keep your head up and at least one ear free, especially at transitions such as stairwells, platforms, building entrances, and the last block home. On the subway, stand back from the platform edge, and choose a car with other people or the conductor’s car. Notice people who match your pace, change direction when you do, or position themselves between you and an exit, and change your route or move toward other people when something feels wrong.
Practice using your voice. A loud, firm “Back off” or “Stop” draws attention and sets a boundary, and it is much easier to use under stress if you have said it out loud before. Keep your hands free when you can, so they are available to protect your head and create space. If someone grabs you, your first goals are to protect your head, stay on your feet, strike to create space, and move toward safety and other people. These are simple ideas, and they become reliable only through practice under pressure, which is what training provides. We cover everyday safety habits in more depth in Situational Awareness for Self-Defense.
What Attackers Look For
Predatory behavior relies on opportunity. Attackers select targets based on perception, and body language, awareness, and confidence shape that perception. When those are absent, vulnerability increases. This describes how selection works, and it places no blame on the person selected. Walking distracted, uncertain, and disconnected sends information whether you intend it or not. I explain how this works in The Body Language of Confidence.
There Is No Secret Move
No single technique guarantees safety, and violence is unpredictable. What matters most is the story you carry about yourself. Do you see yourself as helpless, or as someone who is capable even under imperfect conditions? Being attacked without warning is never a personal failure, and losing a confrontation does not define you. Training changes the story you tell yourself. Even when things go wrong, trained people tend to recover faster because they know who they are. Many women also ask whether they stand a chance against a larger man. I address that question honestly in Do Women Stand a Chance Against Men in a Real Fight?
I am not willing to move through the world without the ability to protect myself, and I do not want that for you either. That choice comes with responsibility. Preparing for violence reduces the likelihood of being harmed by it, and readiness changes outcomes long before any contact occurs. Self-defense provides tools, and more importantly, it reveals capacity. Through training, women discover strength they did not know they had, and fear becomes fuel. Capable people walk with more peace because they are prepared.
If you are ready to start, our women-only self-defense classes in NYC are a supportive place to begin.
Do something amazing, for yourself.
Tsahi Shemesh
Founder & CEO
Krav Maga Experts
Continue Reading:
Best Self-Defense for Women Based on Real-World Situations
Which skills matter most in the situations women actually face.
Warning Signs and Red Flags for Sexual Violence
The behaviors that often appear before violence from someone you know.
How to Set Boundaries: A Guide for Women
How to communicate and hold boundaries under pressure.
2 Responses
Are women ever “too old” to learn self-defense techniques or take self-defense classes? I am asking because I have been trying to convince several of my “older” (60s, 70s, 80s) female friends to take self-defense classes and they believe they are “too old” to do so. They are worried that they will get injured in the classes.
No one is ever never “too old” to learn self-defense. My oldest student is 82 years old.
While joining an on-going group of younger, fitter students might not benefit everyone, the skills certainly will! Classes can be tailored for any age and any type of population while emphasizing safe, appropriate techniques that enhance physical and psychological well-being. Professional instructors adapt methods to meet individual capabilities and needs, ensuring the classes improve all the right elements needed for such unique group, without a high risk of injury.
The expectation of what class looks like, and how the practitioners should preform is usually the main obstacle.
Starting with a private session could help your friends feel more comfortable and see the benefits firsthand. I hope this helps!
Tsahi