Why Self-Defense Is a Moral Responsibility, Not a Violent Desire

In 2015, I walked into the subway station at West 18th Street pushing a stroller with my firstborn son inside. It was an ordinary day until it wasn’t.

As I entered the platform, I heard screaming. A crowd had formed. Dozens of men and women were staring toward the tracks, frozen between fear and curiosity. On the edge of the platform sat a man with his legs hanging over the tracks. He was yelling that he would kill himself if people did not give him money.

The atmosphere was unstable. People were watching. No one was acting.

I approached an MTA employee and told her what was happening. She looked at me and said, “Just move to the other side of the station like everyone else.”

It was clear she had not alerted the train conductor. She had not called the police. I knew that because no announcement had been made, no signal had been triggered, and no response had begun. The system was still operating as if nothing was wrong.

I handed my son to his mother and walked toward the man. People behind me shouted, “Don’t go near him.”

I assessed the situation. He was not wearing a vest. He was in distress. The greater risk was not approaching him. The greater risk was leaving him there as the train approached.

I asked him, “Are you ok?”

He yelled back that he had no money and would jump unless someone gave him cash. He said he was moving on Tuesday and had nothing.

I told him calmly that he would not be moving anywhere on Tuesday if he did not move away from the platform immediately.

The train was already entering the station. Seconds matter in moments like that. Desperation makes people impulsive. He placed his hands on the platform as if preparing to push off.

I stepped in, secured his arm in what we call in Krav Maga a policeman’s hold, pulled him back, and dragged him away from the edge. His first reaction was to fight and attempt to bite my hand. I told him clearly that I did not want to hurt him and that I was there to help.

The train passed.

People clapped.

I felt shame.

Not pride. Not accomplishment. Shame.

Because it should not have required force. It should not have required physical intervention. It should have been handled earlier, calmly, responsibly. By the time I touched him, the situation had already deteriorated.

He walked out of the station. I called the police. That was the first moment law enforcement became aware of what had happened.

I share this story because it speaks to a misunderstanding I hear often. People call our office asking for self-defense training and immediately clarify that they do not want to learn how to hurt anyone. They want to learn how to de-escalate without force.

So do I.

Everyone prefers resolution without violence. Anyone sane does.

The issue is that preference does not erase reality.

Violence continues to happen daily. Public transportation incidents. Random assaults. Mental health crises that spill into crowded spaces. The headlines change. The pattern does not.

Many people live in safe neighborhoods and assume that safety is permanent. Comfort creates a sense of immunity. Financial stability creates the illusion of control. The relevant question is not whether your environment feels secure today. The relevant question is what happens if it fails tomorrow.

Preparedness is not paranoia. It is a responsibility.

Actor Ashton Kutcher once pointed out how fragile modern convenience is. Remove electricity. Remove satellites. Remove the systems people rely on for navigation and communication. Most would struggle immediately. Few carry maps. Few practice redundancy. Comfort replaced skill.

Self-defense follows the same principle.

Core skills must exist before they are needed. You do not build them during the emergency. You reveal them.

Some skills are enjoyable to train. Some are not. As a student, I disliked math. I still had to learn it because it was part of being educated. Physical readiness belongs in the same category. It is foundational.

Ignorance is not a safety strategy. Denial is not protection.

Imi Lichtenfeld, the founder of Krav Maga, said, “Be so good so you don’t need to kill.” The meaning is often misunderstood. High-level skill allows restraint. Precision reduces chaos. When you are capable, you can choose the minimal necessary response.

Sometimes minimal still causes damage. That is part of reality. Avoiding preparation does not make that reality disappear.

Life does not always present ideal options. Sometimes it presents two bad ones. When you lack ability, the choice is made for you.

From a young age, I understood that Krav Maga was not about aggression. It was about competence. Learning how to fight is learning how to control escalation, protect others, and reduce harm when reduction is possible.

Self-defense does not grant immunity from danger. It expands your options. It shifts you from reactive to strategic. It slows impulsive behavior and replaces it with decision-making.

Even when an encounter ends imperfectly, training affects how you process it. People who act with agency carry a different psychological weight than people who freeze completely. Trauma is often intensified by helplessness. Preparedness reduces helplessness.

Many assume they will rise to the occasion when needed. Experience shows otherwise. Under stress, people default to their level of training. When pressure hits, the truth is exposed quickly.

Swimming ability is tested when the water is rough.

Courage is frequently misunderstood as fearlessness. Courage is alignment. It is acting according to principle while fear is present. Fear is normal. Inaction is a choice.

The subway incident remains with me because it clarified something simple. I did not intervene because I enjoy force. I intervened because competence carries obligation. When you can act responsibly, you should.

Self-defense is not about wanting violence. It is about refusing helplessness.

If you train seriously, you learn de-escalation, boundary setting, situational awareness, and controlled force. You learn when to speak, when to move, and when to hold back. You learn that strength and restraint are connected.

Skill creates options. Options create control. Control reduces chaos.

That is the goal.

Do something amazing,

Tsahi Shemesh
Founder & CEO
Krav Maga Experts

Relevant Articles 

• The Ethics of Self-Defense — Before you talk about violence, understand the moral weight behind every decision.

• The Key for De-Escalation — Most fights can be prevented earlier than you think, if you recognize the moment.

• If You Fight With a Crazy Person, You Already Lost — Emotional instability changes the rules. Preparation changes your response.

• Self-Defense Is Mandatory When Riding NYC Subway — The platform is not theoretical. It is daily life.

• Why Good People Are Often the Least Prepared — Being kind does not make you safe. Competence does.

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