Don’t Use Force?
Fine. But Don’t Be Helpless.
In today’s world, it’s easy to get confused. We live in a time that glorifies sensitivity, emotional awareness, and nonviolence. Social progress is being measured by how careful we are with our language, how inclusive we are with our choices, and how gently we treat one another. And all of that matters. But in the process, something else—something essential-has been quietly lost: the understanding that strength is necessary. Not abusive, dominant strength but real, grounded power. Physical, mental, and moral strength.
There was a time you didn’t need to explain why it was important to be strong. Life made that clear. If you weren’t strong, you didn’t survive. If you couldn’t protect yourself or your loved ones, no one else would. Strength wasn’t celebrated—it was expected. It wasn’t about ego. It was about being ready.
But as society progressed and wrapped itself in laws, systems, and ideals, power started to be viewed with suspicion. In our attempt to reduce violence, we also started fearing strength itself. People now hesitate to stand tall. They shy away from power, not because they don’t need it, but because they’ve been told it’s wrong to have it.
You hear phrases like “Don’t use force unless absolutely necessary.” That’s true, but dangerously misunderstood. It doesn’t mean you should avoid strength. It means don’t default to aggression. But to not default to force, you have to actually have it. You have to be capable of it in the first place.
Because let’s be honest: if you don’t have strength, then you’re not choosing peace. You’re just helpless.
Real self-control can only come from someone who has something to control. If you’re passive because you don’t know how to respond, that’s not virtue, that’s paralysis. But if you’re capable of hitting back, and you still choose not to, that’s discipline. That’s integrity.
One of the core messages I teach in Krav Maga is this: “We’re not training you to be violent. We’re training you so that, if the moment ever comes, you don’t freeze. You respond. You survive.” The goal isn’t to act tough. The goal is to be capable and then act with restraint.
You don’t build strength so you can hurt people. You build it so you’re not at the mercy of people who want to hurt you.
The real danger I see today is that people have become afraid of their own strength. They flinch at confrontation. They tolerate disrespect. They let people cross their boundaries physically, emotionally, and morally—because they don’t want to be “too aggressive.” They think saying nothing makes them righteous. But too often, it just makes them silent targets.
Strength doesn’t make you dangerous. Not knowing what to do with it does. And weakness doesn’t make you safe, it makes you dependent on others for protection.
I say this often to my students: We don’t prepare for peaceful days. We prepare for the day when things go wrong. And when that day comes, you don’t want to be surprised by your own inability to act. You want to know you’ve trained for it. You want to know you’ve earned the right to choose how you respond.
To be clear, choosing not to use force can be the right decision. Often, it is. But that decision must come from a place of awareness, not fear. A place of presence, not passivity. The ability to de-escalate is a skill. But so is knowing when escalation is your only option.
In Krav Maga, we don’t teach people to look for a fight. We teach people how to end one. And to end it decisively when necessary. That’s not violence. That’s preparedness.
To sum it up, telling someone “Don’t use force” is only meaningful if that person actually can use force. Otherwise, it’s not a choice. It’s just a limitation. And limitations are the last thing you want when your safety is on the line.
So, no, not choosing to use force is not an invitation to be weak. It’s a responsibility to be strong. Strong enough to choose. Strong enough to act when needed. Strong enough to protect what matters without asking for permission.
Because peace is a goal, but strength is what makes that goal possible.
Do something amazing,
Tsahi Shemesh
Founder & CEO
Krav Maga Experts
Related reading from the KME blog:
- The Paradox of Choice – On freezing under pressure, and why training matters more than intentions
- Why Fighting Doesn’t Make You Violent – Understanding the difference between aggression and responsibility
- What Makes a Place Feel Like Home – On belonging, boundaries, and building inner strength